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Healthcare in Portugal

Firstly let me thank Stephanie for the kind words, there is nothing like a friendly touch on one’s entrance. For those of you who don’t know me, My name is James and I co-own the Union Jacs store in Tornada. I come originally from Manchester and support the greatest football team in the World, Manchester United. I feel it only fair to share this with you as my posts will contain football references and will be unashamedly biased towards “God’s” team.

My blog this week contains none of the above, just to prove my unpredictability. I am going to share my recent experience of health care in Portugal. For some time now I have been suffering with stomach pains and anyone who has seen my stomach will vouch for the size of this pain. I finally went to see the lovely Dr Barbara in Sao Martinho. This lady is a real Saint, she dedicates much of her time, volunteering her services to the World’s needy. Well, on this occasion i was needy. She sent me for an ultrasound, I wasn’t pregnant, so that was one thing ruled out and the rest of the tests proved negative too. Next step was to send me for a colonoscopy. Even the word can bring most people out in a cold sweat. I am not the best patient and hate pain, so to ready me for the “procedure,” as people kept calling it, I decided to watch several colonoscopies on youtube. The patients on there could have been having ice cream and playing ping pong whilst the aforementioned procedure was carried out. I gained much needed morale from this but have to admit that I was a little taken aback when i discovered that the tube that was to be inserted, was four feet long! Four feet! That’s a whole Ronnie Corbett!!

The day before the procedure, I could have nothing to eat and had to take a laxative that was surely meant for horses. I was scared to sneeze.

Anyhow, the fateful day arrived and I duly attended the hospital which shall remain nameless. I didn’t feel nervous at all, I was looking forward to playing ping pong and using the tube as the net. This can’t hurt, the guy on youtube said so. The guy on youtube must have had a much thinner tube up his you. I have never experienced pain like it, no drugs were offered not even an aspirin, and all the time Ronnie was heading Northwards. I yelled at the Doctor to stop at one point, he didn’t. The only good side was that he gave me the results soon after the test was complete, only polyps and a new diet to follow. The reason I am sharing this episode with you, is to warn others that if you need this done to you, demand drugs or take some of your own with you. I will never complain about our lovely NHS ever again.